Our fertility journey is not something we have openly shared with everyone. Our families know the struggle, but I need an outlet to write about it and let it go, without every random person we went to high school with having an opinion and a comment.

We knew getting started that fertility may be an issue for us due to my husband’s medical history, but when all tests come back great, and you’re diagnosed with “unexplained infertility,” where do you go from there? What’s the action plan to fix something that has no explanation?

Well, here we are – 3 years, 2 Doctors, and 1 surgery later – we are starting IUI. I’m simultaneously wanting to jump up and down that we’re finally getting closer to a baby, cry out of fear and excitement, and freak out about the possibility of having multiples.

When you first start to talk about infertility, everyone has a solution for you – “Just relax, it will happen!” “Maybe God doesn’t want you to have a kid.” “Are you having enough sex?” While I’m sure ‘some’ of these responses come from a good place, unless you’ve been there and seen how many negative tests I’ve peed on, how many tears I’ve cried, and how many times I’ve googled “pregnancy symptoms,” you really have no idea what it’s like. The emotional roller coaster of trying to be hopeful and manifesting the healthy pregnancy and baby that you want, and at the same time trying not to be too excited because you know inevitably it will just be another negative test, and another month wasted, is exhausting.

I know there’s more to life than getting pregnant and having a baby, but it’s literally all I think about. Everything that I eat or drink, the clothes I buy, what day of the month it is, even down to if I smell a chemical in the air, wondering if I were pregnant already, would it harm the baby. Every single decision I make on a daily basis seems to revolve around it.

I am very thankful that there is no serious medical reason why we can’t have a baby, and with modern medicine, we have a chance at a family that wouldn’t have been possible 50 years ago. So far, the medications haven’t had any awful side effects, our Doctors have been great, and I have 2 friends who have conceived through IUI, so I know it’s possible.

I’m excited to share our journey, to document the process and the appointments and have an outlet. Hopefully this time next year, I’ll be sharing adorable new-born pictures!